When starting to think about planning a family, did you get yourself a kitten and unashamedly call it a “practice baby”? We didn’t, but we know more than one couple who did exactly that. Or perhaps (like both of us) you grew up in a cat-filled household? Then the following things babies spend their days doing may appear oddly familiar:
Preventing you from working
When I was wee and had homework to do, my beloved cat Brandy used to make his feelings about the lack of attention going his way crystal clear by sitting his furry bottom very deliberately on my half-finished essay. Scarlett does exactly the same, only with a laptop and a lot less fur.
Demanding a bit of your dinner
Even when they have their own, perfectly good, dinners RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM both cats and babies will insist on having a taste of yours. Pasta, potatoes, stir-fry, fajitas, and other less healthy options I’m not admitting to here, all of these go in the baby. So far, we haven’t yet found the foodstuff that causes Scarlett to give us a filthy look before shooting out of the dining room on all fours, but we’re sure we will. (For cats, that’s usually a Chicken Madras). (We don’t advise feeding your cat Chicken Madras).
Furry/friendly faces popping up wherever you are
Our old cat always used to pop up exactly five seconds after you opened a door/sat on the sofa/started cooking dinner/got in the bath, hail you with a melodious purrrrrrrmiaow! and crash his frontal cranium into yours. Now Scarlett’s fully mobile, she does the same, except she hasn’t got the purring quite down yet and says “Ah!” instead. It’s adorbs.
Cats sleep in adorably weird positions (for evidence, I refer you to a great research tool I like to call the Internet). On their noses, with their paws sticking up in the air, in flowerpots, wherever. Babies do that too, only perhaps not quite so often in flowerpots now I come to think of it.
Here, baby baby baby
I maybe should not admit to doing this, but I have been known to coax Scarlett from one room to another by rattling a packet of Organix carrot sticks at her in the manner of a crazy cat lady calling her kitty home with a tin of biscuits. It works, too.
In or out?
Not a reference to an ill-fated referendum. With cats, it’s the back door: they sit on the doormat staring at you like you’re soft while you stand there getting cold, as if nothing could be further from their furry minds than exiting the door they just spent ten minutes loudly demanding you open. For babies, substitute ‘lap’, ‘suckle’, ‘boob’ and ‘shirt’ and add ‘in the middle of the frickin’ cafe/supermarket/high street’ and you get the idea.
Sending gibberish emails
Ever had a cat walk across your keyboard? Then you’ll know exactly how this one plays out: baby + keyboard = nonsense going to your friends and colleagues. Worse nonsense than usual, I mean. Scarlett also does a nice line in sending stickers to my Facebook friends.
Sleeping under your armpits
…or against your ribs, or across your stomach, or on top of your shoulders, or in the exact place you were planning to sleep thank you very much. This one obviously only valid if you co-sleep, which I have previously described IRL as being very much like sleeping with a pet.
Bouncing around like a lunatic
Cats often do this after a dose of catnip; they go a bit mental and start leaping around the place like bampots. Scarlett does this because…actually, we don’t know what sets her off. Possibly youthful exuberance.