Bad Medicine

It’s vaccination time! Or your little one has a cold, or is teething, or has some other ailment and your GP has mandated the use of infant paracetamol suspension. Here’s a SUPER HANDY how-to guide.

  • Acquire Calpol sachets and syringe. Note instructions on packaging.
  • Successfully tear open foil sachet and draw up recommended dosage into syringe. Doing well so far!
  • Insert syringe into baby’s mouth pointing towards cheek as per pack instructions. Gently depress plunger halfway.
  • Observe that roughly as much Calpol as you just squeezed into baby’s mouth has slid its way insouciantly out the other side. Reposition syringe and try again.
  • Nope, that didn’t fix it. Wonder how best to get sticky pink stains out of baby’s sleepsuit and favourite blanky.
  • Worry that baby has now received approximately 0.5% of the recommended dosage. Worry that trying again with a second syringeful will lead to immediate overdose and death. Despair.
  • Fail to benefit from much-rumoured six-hour Calpol nap. Soothe grumpy baby every hour on the hour with cuddles and Bowie songs.
  • Wash sleepsuit at 40C. You can style out the pink stains. Just build them into baby’s look.
  • Wait four hours and repeat.

Congratulations, you have Calpoled your little one (FCVO ‘Calpoled’ starting around zero). Now you’ve earned some self-medication – enjoy!

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  1. Pingback: You be illin’ | Baby plus two

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